Stress and Guilt of Opportunity
Following on from my ‘No man’ post about learning to say no, I’ve discovered or perhaps learned, that there is a another form of distraction and ultimately stress and guilt.
The opportunity.
As writers in this new world we see it everywhere. Authors (like myself) are experimenting with publishing by coordinating anthologies and other collaborative projects; small presses are popping up each day; communities are gathering together resources and skills; traditional publishing is trying to innovate and reach authors in new ways (albeit slowly). This creates a multitude of opportunity.
A shit-ton of shiny to distract us.
So, you’re trying to write your novel or a short story for a competition/anthology, and you see something else pop up. It’s also shiny and lovely and you ache to be involved. You have other work you need to do. But you wonder if you can do both. Then another pops along and that too is wondrous; this time it’s run by your friends and you feel obligated. This seemingly never-ending treadmill of opportunity can cause a lot of stress and burden. Unless you stay focused, which for many of us isn’t so easy to do.
Stress or Guilt, both suck monkey balls.
You’ve been strong and you decide to say no. You decide that you must remain focussed. But in the back of your mind (Or mine, clearly I’m talking about my own pathetic mental abilities), you feel guilty that you can’t take part. You’re letting your friends down. Or if there’s no guilt, there’s stress because you worry that you’re missing out on a great opportunity: what if you won that competition, or you got published in that world renown journal/anthology? So you agonise, you try to decide whether you can or can’t do it. It blows. You lose focus on your current project and your (my) mind is a sponge of negative emotions.
More than just saying No.
Saying no is just the first stage. The next stage is to learn to ignore opportunity. To not seek it out. Unless you are free to take advantage of it, because the angst of piling on too much work, and the guilt of saying no can be a real bitch. So put those blinkers on. Make definitive goals and focus focus focus.
Of course, this is easier said than done, but it’s something I’m going to put more effort into. My own projects have to take precedence over anything else, even if it means not taking part in something that could potentially be brilliant. For without focus, we achieve diddly squat.
Posted by ColinFBarnes- Posted in Thoughts On Fiction
Feb, 01, 2012
11 Comments.
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Colin F. Barnes is a quill-wielder of vibrant, edgy fiction, mixing sci-fi, horror and thrillers.
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Ugh, but what if that ‘no’ could have been your break? See, that’s my thing: what if…so I say yes.
And then I complain about time frame. Oh well.
Depends on how you define ‘break’ — the what if is dangerous because absolutely anything could potentially be a big break. Taking on too many only makes your current project suffer (in my experience). This is the problem, all these opportunities sap away at our energy, loading us with guilt.
Blinkers are a good idea. Writing your goals down is good, and accountability, is key. Even if only posting your weekly goals here on your blog. We, your readers can keep tabs.
And small steps, stand back, take a breath, don’t say ‘yes’ to anything straight the way. Give yourself breathing space of at least a few hours before you commit, or not, as the case may be.
This is working for me since I implemented it at the beginning of January. Interestingly, I don’t feel as stressed over my writing, and I’m getting more done!
Keep smiling.
Hi Maria,
Breathing space of any project is a good idea. Initial enthusiasm can lead to do over commitments. Glad to hear you’re doing well this year!
You are a wise man, Colin Barnes. Wise indeed!
Thanks, Kendall, I’ve been called many things, wise is a new one, thank you mate
I don’t think you should ignore opportunity. Opportunity is a good thing, by definition its something that is positive. What I’d suggest instead is learning to see what actually is an opportunity that will help you progress as a writer, and what is just taking a chance that will be more detrimental than beneficial.
I wouldn’t call competitions an opportunity though, to be honest, unless the prize is having your work signed by a great agent or publisher – then it would be an opportunity no one should pass up hehe!
HI Natalie,
Thanks for stopping by. You’re right, in general opportunities are positive things. It’s identifying them as such that’s the difficult bit.
I think you’ve got to know just how muh you can handle. Committing to more than you can do is the problem. You shouldn’t ignore opportunity, you should filter it.
I’m with with Steve on this one… I tend to review an opportunity in a few a minutes, and try to snap decide ‘never’, ‘unlikely’, ‘ear mark for later’, or ‘too good to miss’.
It’s not fool-proof, but I give my current project and ‘owed’ projects for others, a really high priority. Something new has to be amazing, and I must have the time available, before I give it the green light…
Thanks for the comments, Steve and TJ — good points well made, chaps